


Job Interviews, the Awesome Way

by pupeez4eva



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Humor, job interview
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 08:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8243125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: "Have you ever sold anything before?" "Well...I've sold my body once or twice." - Prussia goes for a job interview.





	

"West, this is so unfair!" Prussia howled, pounding furiously on the door in front of him. "Come on, open the door! You don't even _own_ this place!"

The door opened suddenly, sending Prussia stumbling back. A furious Germany stood in the now open doorway, glaring viciously at his brother.

"No you're right Prussia," he spat. "I _don't_ own this place - I _should_ be in _my_ house right now, but I'll tell you why I'm not?! Because _YOU_ burnt it down!"

"...You're completely overreacting!"

"Do you _not_ understand what I just said?!" Germany bellowed. "You _BURNT IT DOWN!"_

"It's not my fault!" Prussia complained. "That oven was seriously screwed! I mean seriously, whoever built that thing should be -"

_"You made it explode!"_

"...At least give me some money so I can rent a room or something!" Prussia pleaded.

"No!" Germany snarled. "I'm not giving you _anything_ until you pay me back for everything that you _destroyed!"_

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?" he demanded. "I don't have any money!"

"Then do what you should have done a long time ago - _get a fucking job!"_

With that the door slammed shut, leaving a startled Prussia standing alone in the empty corridor.

...

In all honesty, Gabi wasn't sure _why_ she had called the man over for an interview. His resume should have been warning enough; the large scrawl stating, _'an awesome being like me doesn't NEED qualifications!'_ should have been warning enough that the man either had major problems or had been living in a hole his entire life.

In all honesty, she hadn't been planning on calling him, but his name had caught her attention. 'Gilbert Beilschmidt' - of course she had heard of his last name before. Ludwig Beilschmidt was a respectable member of the local community and Gabi had heard people mentioning his brother Gilbert once or twice - besides, she had heard about their house burning down. Calling him in for a job interview had been the least she could do.

She'd started to feel the first inklings of regret however, as soon as the strange-looking albino man had waltzed in through the door.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt?" she asked warily, studying the smug, overly-confident expression on the man's face.

He smirked slightly. "The one and only."

She frowned slightly and shook her head, gesturing to a chair positioned behind her. "Sit down there," she told him, walking over to the desk in front of the chair.

"Wow," muttered Gilbert, glancing around the room. "Is it just me or is this room quivering under my awesome aura?"

Gabi shot him an odd look. "What?"

"Oh nothing," Gilbert responded, shrugging. "I don't know if you're awesome enough to understand me yet."

Gabi stared at him for a moment before shaking her head and sitting down - so the man had a few strange quirks. That didn't make him crazy.

"Right then," she said. "Mr. Beilschmidt -"

"Oh, just call me Awesome," Gilbert responded, throwing himself down on the chair and smirking proudly.

"...Awesome?"

"That, or Gilbert," the albino amended.

"Right then," she responded, slowly. "Gilbert it is." Silently, she wondered if there actually _was_ something wrong with him. "So then...how would you describe yourself?"

Gilbert grinned. _"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllll -"_

 _'Oh dear...'_ Gabi thought, shuffling uncomfortably in her seat.

"I," Gilbert announced, "am a very, very, very, very, very, _VERY_ awesome person. I'm like awesomeness personified - you see, this -" He dragged a hand down in front of him. " - This is the most awesome thing you will ever see. Bask in my glory now, because you will never get the chance again - unless of course you give me this job. Which of course you _WILL,_ since who can get enough of _THIS?!"_

Gabi gawked at him. "Mr. Beilschmidt..." she said, slowly.

"I thought we were sticking to Gilbert?" Gilbert asked, frowning slightly.

"I've changed my mind," Gabi responded. "Now -" she narrowed her eyes. "Is this all a joke to you?"

Gilbert blinked. "Uh...no..."

Gabi leaned back slightly, surprised by his sincerity - because truthfully, she had been under the impression that he'd been making fun of her.

"Uh," she coughed, "well...when I asked you to describe yourself I meant...hobbies, skills...reasons why you would want this job, you know?"

Gilbert frowned. "Being awesome isn't enough?"

Gabi sighed loudly. "No."

"Oh..." Gilbert's frown deepened. "Well...my hobbies are...hmm...oh! I know - I like drinking beer!"

"That's nice to hear," Gabi responded, cringing inwardly. "But I meant something a bit more...productive."

Gilbert thought for a moment. "...I like annoying Old Specs and his psychotic wife, if that counts."

"...What about some skills?"

"Skills?" Gilbert perked up. "Well is -"

" - Being awesome is not a skill," Gabi said, cutting him off.

"People nowadays..." Gilbert muttered, slouching back in his chair. "I don't know what happened." He shook his head.

Gabi raised one eyebrow, motioning for him to continue.

"Right well...oh, I know!" He beamed widely. "I can break into houses really well! Haha, old Specs never knows when I'm about to hit - one minute he's moaning on the bed with Psycho on top of him, and the next moment _'BAM!'_ I'm right there -"

"Mr. Beilschmidt!" Gabi snapped, cutting him off. Her cheeks burned in embarrassment.

Gilbert blinked. "What?"

"I don't think that's appropriate to talk about," she hissed, still blushing furiously.

"What?! What is _wrong_ with you?!" Gilbert snapped, as if _she_ was in the wrong. "First you say being awesome isn't a skill, and now you say _this?!_ What's happening to the state of this world?!"

Gabi stared at him, wondering if it was too early to tell him to get the _hell_ out of her office.

"...Fine then." Gilbert slouched back in his chair. "I'm really good at holding my beer - oh, and you should _SEE_ the way I invade vital regions!"

Gabi choked. _"WHAT?!"_

"Uh..." Gilbert coughed. "...You okay...?"

"I - wha - _what_ did you just say?!"

"...Invading vital regions...?" Gilbert shot her an odd look.

Gabi blushed violently and shook her head, avoiding his eyes. "You know, Mr. Beilschmidt," she choked. "I think that maybe we should end this interview here -"

"Wait, wait!" Gilbert protested. "Come on, I need this job or else West will slaughter me! No one will ever find the body - his words not mine!"

Gabi gritted her teeth. "Fine then," she ground out. "Why don't you tell me what your skills are _relating to this job?!"_

"Uh..." Gilbert frowned. "...What is this place again...?"

Gabi stared at him. "A cafe."

"...A cafe?"

"Yes."

"...Where there are ovens?" Prussia paled.

"Yes," Gabi said, slowly, wondering where he was going with all this.

"Oh fuck."

Gabi narrowed her eyes at him.

"...Can we come back to his question?" Gilbert asked, sounding nervous. Gabi gritted her teeth, but decided to comply - there was no point in dragging this out.

"Alright fine then," she replied. "What makes you a good candidate for this job?"

_'The job that there is no way in a hundred YEARS you'll be getting...'_

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. "I'm awesome."

"Of course you are," Gabi muttered under her breath. In a louder voice she responded, "alright then Mr. Beilschmidt - do you have any experience in this field?"

"What - cooking?" Gilbert looked slightly awkward. "Um...well if I tell you the truth you probably won't give me this job...so no."

"You won't actually have to cook," Gabi sighed. "Have you ever worked in a cafe before?"

Gilbert shrugged. "I've been to one."

"So no..." Gabi closed her eyes for a moment. "Okay then...have you ever sold anything before?"

Gilbert thought for a moment. "Well...I've sold my body once or twice."

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, Gabi found herself staring.

"The first time was a dare!" Gilbert hurriedly moved to defend himself. "The Awesome Me couldn't show weakness, dammit! And the second time...well, I just really needed some cash."

"...Okay, you know what?" Gabi stood up, abruptly. "This interview is over."

"Awesome!" Gilbert exclaimed, grinning widely. "So, I got the job then?"

"I didn't say that," Gabi responded, narrowing her eyes sharply. "In fact, Mr. Beilschmidt, I'm sorry to say but in all honesty...the only way that you could _possibly_ still have a chance of getting this job is if the only other candidates after you were pedophiles, druggies, or _serial killers!"_

Maybe she was going a little far with that but...the guy was seriously annoying!

"...Seriously?"

...

Damn, that bitch was...well a _bitch._ But he wasn't going to give up that easily - he _was_ the awesome Prussia after all (and who cared if Prussia didn't exist anymore, he was just that awesome).

Prussia leaned over and knocked on the door, making sure to put enough force into it that some of the wood chipped away.

The door opened a moment later and he was greeted by the sight of that annoying interviewer-chick standing on the other side.

"Hello - oh _shit!"_ Her eyes widened as she realized who she was seeing.

"Right!" Prussia said, beaming at her widely. "Here are the other candidates for the job -" He gestured to the three people standing behind him.

Interviewer-chick stared at him in horror. "I wasn't serious -"

" - The pedophile," Prussia said, ignoring her comment. He grabbed the nearest person to him - Spain - and yanked him in front of her.

"I'm really not," Spain said, sounding slightly desperate. "I don't know where those rumors started -"

" - The druggie -" Prussia ignored his friend and shoved him out of the way, making a grab for the next person - Canada.

"I'm not a druggie," Canada protested. "I don't even know where that stereotype _came_ from, seriously -"

" - _And_ the serial killer!" He didn't dare make a grab for the nation this time, and simply settled with pointing in his direction. Russia smiled his usual creepy smile, and waved his pipe threateningly.

Prussia grinned at turned back to the doorway, fully expecting to have finally won.

"Right, so do I have the job?"

The door slammed in his face.


End file.
